In the quest to find the fundamental differences between Australian and Canadian culture, our first stop goes no further than the garage. Here are the top five things you are unlikely to see in an Australian Garage....
At number 5: you might find shovels in an Australian garage but "snow shovels" would be very unlikely.
Number four: you might find pool salt in Oz but "ice salt" is way less common.
Number three: A Canadian flag wedged under a set of "snow tires" is possible but highly unlikely.
Number two: BB guns. If the police saw you with these down under, they would shoot you on sight.
And at number One, the most unlikely thing to see in and Australian garage is... Critter Ridder: Repels dogs, cats, racoons, skunks and groundhogs
The Australian version might read: Repels dogs, cats, possums, cane toads and dugites
I have never been a great fan of rolling or gliding across hard surfaces. Roller-blading and skateboarding are not sports indented for lanky people with bad knees. At least with surfing, you’re pretty much guaranteed to land on something soft.
Ottawa however has a “Canal Culture”. It’s the thing to do in the winter: skate down the Rideau Canal, eat Beavertails (registered trademark) and sip hot chocolate. When in Rome, I’m all about togas, so I gave it a go.
We hired skates from a bike shop near the Pretoria Bridge and gingerly climbed down the steps to the ice. I have enough trouble walking on an icy “side walk”, so I felt vaguely uneasy about putting blades under my feet to make me slide more.
I strapped them on and moved my feet on the ice beneath the bench and thought, “This is a pretty unlikely form of transport.”
Unfortunately, my instructor hadn’t skated for over seven years and had little advice on the theory of how it was done, “I don’t know, you kind of move your feet in an “s”, like you’re doing the twist.”
As with anything that you learnt to do from a young age, it’s hard to explain. Could you tell someone how to ride a bike?
I moved forward about three metres and made a controlled fall. I lay on the ice and looked up at the sky, “This is a lot more agreeable. You go ahead, remember how it’s done, then come back and tell me.”
I sat and watched. There were scores of people: couples elegantly gliding up and down the ice hand in hand, teenagers with hockey sticks and grannies reliving their youth. Kids were being dragged behind parents on sleds or learning to skate with plastic stands – a sort of Zimmer frame for skating. Others wore helmets. One I saw had a full goalie’s mask. Dental care isn’t covered by the national health. That’s the time to learn to skate - while your bones are still malleable. Thirty-year-old Australians I decided, had no business learning to skate.
I was very disturbed by the number of skating paramedics around. One of them pushed a sort of stretcher sled. Were there that many spinal injuries out here? This didn’t make me feel any safer.
Eventually Jay came along. He had taught people to skate before. It was too late though, my confidence had been shot, “Put one skate behind the other like a T and push”
“yaaarrar”
“Ok, if you don’t want to take your skates off the ice, try moving your skates in a C-shape,”
That was a bit more manageable, and with aides holding either arm, I made it shakily across to the other bank of the canal, “Where are we heading?”
“Just past that corner and then another 200m”
I looked back at the fifty metres I had just travelled, “You must be kidding! In the words of a great man ‘Fook that!’ I’ll see you at the pub, thanks anyway though.” They skated off with the ease and confidence that I knew would never come to me.
That’s fine with me. I’ll be happy to watch from the side-lines, sip the hot chocolate and warm up it with a dash of whiskey. My ice hockey career - over before it began.
I first visited North America in 2006/07 but only got Florida and Colorado. Fate brought me back to the huge, crazy continent; this time to Ottawa, Canada.
Canadians please note: Yes, I know that Canada is not the United States of America, but it is right at the top of the continent of called "America"; and as such, my thoughts are going onto the American Odyssey blog.
Until I get my own website, you'll have to live with it.
At number 5: you might find shovels in an Australian garage but "snow shovels" would be very unlikely.
Number four: you might find pool salt in Oz but "ice salt" is way less common.
Number three: A Canadian flag wedged under a set of "snow tires" is possible but highly unlikely.
And at number One, the most unlikely thing to see in and Australian garage is... Critter Ridder: Repels dogs, cats, racoons, skunks and groundhogs
At number 5: you might find shovels in an Australian garage but "snow shovels" would be very unlikely.
Number four: you might find pool salt in Oz but "ice salt" is way less common.
Number three: A Canadian flag wedged under a set of "snow tires" is possible but highly unlikely.
And at number One, the most unlikely thing to see in and Australian garage is... Critter Ridder: Repels dogs, cats, racoons, skunks and groundhogs
