An American Odyssey

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2009-03-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

Notes on a Cold Climate - Layers

2009-02-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

Need to go outside? Are you wearing enough layers of clothing?

Pad yourself down. If you can tell you're own gender, you need more layers.

Top Five: Things you won't see in an Australian Garage

2009-01-22T08:50:00.000-08:00

In the quest to find the fundamental differences between Australian and Canadian culture, our first stop goes no further than the garage. Here are the top five things you are unlikely to see in an Australian Garage....

At number 5: you might find shovels in an Australian garage but "snow shovels" would be very unlikely.

Number four: you might find pool salt in Oz but "ice salt" is way less common.

Number three: A Canadian flag wedged under a set of "snow tires" is possible but highly unlikely.

Number two: BB guns. If the police saw you with these down under, they would shoot you on sight.

And at number One, the most unlikely thing to see in and Australian garage is... Critter Ridder: Repels dogs, cats, racoons, skunks and groundhogs

The Australian version might read: Repels dogs, cats, possums, cane toads and dugites

Ice Skating

2009-01-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

Rideau Canal
Photos from Flickr's Creative Commons
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ciaochow/2253712350/

I have never been a great fan of rolling or gliding across hard surfaces. Roller-blading and skateboarding are not sports indented for lanky people with bad knees. At least with surfing, you’re pretty much guaranteed to land on something soft.

Ottawa however has a “Canal Culture”. It’s the thing to do in the winter: skate down the Rideau Canal, eat Beavertails (registered trademark) and sip hot chocolate. When in Rome, I’m all about togas, so I gave it a go.

Beavertails on the Canal

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dugspr/2258634208/

We hired skates from a bike shop near the Pretoria Bridge and gingerly climbed down the steps to the ice. I have enough trouble walking on an icy “side walk”, so I felt vaguely uneasy about putting blades under my feet to make me slide more.

I strapped them on and moved my feet on the ice beneath the bench and thought, “This is a pretty unlikely form of transport.”

Unfortunately, my instructor hadn’t skated for over seven years and had little advice on the theory of how it was done, “I don’t know, you kind of move your feet in an “s”, like you’re doing the twist.”

As with anything that you learnt to do from a young age, it’s hard to explain. Could you tell someone how to ride a bike?

I moved forward about three metres and made a controlled fall. I lay on the ice and looked up at the sky, “This is a lot more agreeable. You go ahead, remember how it’s done, then come back and tell me.”

I sat and watched. There were scores of people: couples elegantly gliding up and down the ice hand in hand, teenagers with hockey sticks and grannies reliving their youth. Kids were being dragged behind parents on sleds or learning to skate with plastic stands – a sort of Zimmer frame for skating. Others wore helmets. One I saw had a full goalie’s mask. Dental care isn’t covered by the national health. That’s the time to learn to skate - while your bones are still malleable. Thirty-year-old Australians I decided, had no business learning to skate.

First skate of the Year

http://www.flickr.com/photos/alex_ferguson/3156701609/

I was very disturbed by the number of skating paramedics around. One of them pushed a sort of stretcher sled. Were there that many spinal injuries out here? This didn’t make me feel any safer.

Eventually Jay came along. He had taught people to skate before. It was too late though, my confidence had been shot, “Put one skate behind the other like a T and push”

“yaaarrar”

“Ok, if you don’t want to take your skates off the ice, try moving your skates in a C-shape,”

That was a bit more manageable, and with aides holding either arm, I made it shakily across to the other bank of the canal, “Where are we heading?”

“Just past that corner and then another 200m”

I looked back at the fifty metres I had just travelled, “You must be kidding! In the words of a great man ‘Fook that!’ I’ll see you at the pub, thanks anyway though.” They skated off with the ease and confidence that I knew would never come to me.

That’s fine with me. I’ll be happy to watch from the side-lines, sip the hot chocolate and warm up it with a dash of whiskey. My ice hockey career - over before it began.

Horizontal Skating

New Country New Car

2008-12-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

Check out our 1998 Chevrolet Malibu. Pretty sweet deal... apart from a faulty alternator.

Now we can drive the Chevie to the levie, regardless of how dry it is. I'm sure someone will be drinking some rye!

Greetings from British North America...

2008-12-25T14:34:00.000-08:00

...or “Canada” as they like to call it these days,

We arrived in the nation’s capital - Ottawa for the undereducated - which is very much like Canberra in a way. Half way between the two major capitals (Montreal and Toronto instead of Sydney and Melbourne) and filled with government employees.

Since my arrival I have:

Bought a car
Slipped on ice
Eaten a “funnel cake”
Shovelled the driveway
Driven a snowmobile
Sampled local produce
Been to a hockey game
Drank with locals (and yokels)
Experienced a white Christmas
Watched Team Canada win the juniors
Discovered the wonders of vodka martinis

Why am I here?
Well, my good partner happens to be Canadian and I wanted to see what all the fuzz was about. She was good enough to follow me to the most isolated capital city in the world, which I once called home, so I thought I might follow her to the third coldest capital city in the world, where her family is from. Strangely ironic since I don’t really like being isolated and she doesn’t like being cold.

Also, after living in foreign parts for such a long time, we thought it might be interesting to live somewhere you can chat to your cab driver. The irony is, we can’t afford to take cabs here and I’m told most cab drivers here have a pretty low level of English.

I’m always interested in visiting new parts of this small blue-green orb. You really don’t know nothing about nowhere until you been; and so there are a few questions I’ll seek to answer:

What’s with the orgy of flag waving nationalism? Is it really compulsory to stitch those little flags to your pack when travelling? Or is it a service offered at airports to prevent being killed as suspected Americans?

Why do they seem unconcerned about having a queen as their head of state while Australians jump up and down and have referendums?

How has their world-dominating southern neighbours affected the national psyche?

What really is the difference between Canadian, American or Australian culture? Is that a contradiction in terms? Or is it a bit like the difference between baseball and cricket?

How does this completely public healthcare system work?

Why is there a section of France (three times larger than the original) in the middle of the country?

Why is it on the American Odyssey web-blog?
To tell you the truth, I can’t be bothered starting a new one; so this will be a blog for the continent.

One last thing...

2007-02-10T00:54:00.000-08:00

If the number of Americans who owned flags, voted; it would be a very different country!

Final Thoughts

2007-01-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

At this stage, I am back in Australia with sun shining and crickets chirping; however, I did want to make some final comments about the world's only superpower:

1. What is with the imperial measurements? What is a quart, gallon or fluid ounce?
I think they are just being obtuse to hang onto these antiquated ways when the rest of the world has moved onto kilos and liters.

2. Who is in charge of the beer production?
Surely when beers were being handed out, the Americans must have been in the "john". It tastes alright but they seem to have forgotten to put any booze in. I think the average is about 2.4%.

3. What's with the 110v power?
Is this the only country in the world that uses 110v power? - I needed converters for everything that didn't have dual voltage transformers.

4. Why make all your money look the same?
You can't tell a one from a hundred, a Washington from a Franklin - it's bloody annoying. It's also one of the only countries I have been to that still has a one dollar bill.

5. Who died and left all these guys the cheap fuel?
$2.20 a gallon (four liters) or something like that. Istanbul is was over $2 a litre and Turkey is right next to all the oil. I am pretty sure they even pump it across the border and refine the the stuff.

The USA can send it across the world and still have it cheaper at the pump than milk.

That shits me. You take this rare commodity from deep within the ground, run it through a highly sophisticated refining process, ship it around the world and sell it at a pump. You get a cow, milk it and boil the crap out of it; and it is still more expensive than oil.

Anyway, that is a few things that have been on my mind about the USA.

In conclusion, it is a vast country with an unusual culture which intrigues me. I would like to go back one day to visit my family and all those places that have been made famous... next time.

Cheyenne Mountain

2007-01-06T13:06:00.000-08:00

Luckily enough, by relation (and passing a security clearance), I got to visit the Cheyenne Mountain Air Defence Complex.

At the height of the Cold War, the chaps at the (poorly named) Department of Defence thought it would be a cracking good idea to their air defence complex inside a mountain.

After checking out a few places they decided on Colorado Springs. Excavation began by private contractors and then the navy came in to fit it out welded steel rooms.

The idea being that they place could keep running after the first wave of Russian missiles to make sure the Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) agreement could be maintained.

This of course seems highly adolescent these days and you could never do it again - you would never get the environmental permission, it infringes on the Native Title of too many people and, in today's money, it would cost around 20 billion big ones.

Regardless today it is still running and could withstand a fair amount of nuclear, biological and chemical battering. There is enough supplies to keep those inside safe from harm for about a month.

Since September 11th their brief has been expanded to include monitoring all domestic and international flights within all North American Airspace.

You drive up to the car park and get into a bus that take you the rest of the way up the hill. From there you get a briefing all about the history and workings of station. Then you head around to security where men with guns put you through metal detectors and make sure you are not carrying anything nasty including cameras and mobile phones (they seem a bit shy).

From there you get in another bus which drives you into a hole in the side of the mountain. This takes you about 3/4 of a mile down a tunnel where you get out and go through the huge blast doors.

Beyond those, is not a giant "Bat Cave" as you might imagine but a series of huge tunnels with about fifteen buildings on springs to prevent the place being shaken up by a possible blast.

There is a whole self contained community below with gym, fire trucks, hospital, water supply, generators and canteen.

We were even more fortunate to see the central command room - something out of "Dr. Stranglove": lots of computers, wood panelling and giant screens. I was shocked to see them watching Fox News.

It is definitely a high stress job for these guys. Anything that flies over North America has to be identified, tracked, its source found and a decision has to be made on whether it is going to go off bang.

Not for me, but I suppose it has to be done.

Photos from:
wikipedia
and
www.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/.../norad.html

Hockey

2007-01-06T12:52:00.000-08:00

One night we drove up to Denver, through the snow to the Pepsi Centre - home of The Colorado Avalanches.

I have seen the game a few times on TV but it does not really equate to being there - the crowd, the vibe, the weak beer, the slap of puck on stick and of course the possibility of seeing two grown men knocking each other's teeth out.

Apparently you can do things on the ice that would land you in court if you were in the car park.

Great fun.

It is also the one sport in America where the white guys don't seem to get their arses kicked.

Colorado Springs

2007-01-06T10:27:00.000-08:00

A nice little town (pop. 250 000) bordered on one side by the start of the Rocky Mountains with a very picturesque "down town" - old colonial houses on wide tree lined streets; made even more attractive by a fresh coating of pure white snow over everything.

It is also home to a disturbing number of Bible-Bashers and God-Botherers. Many cars I saw had the little fish insignia on the back and there were billboards with messages like:

"Abortion is always wrong!"

and

"Struggling with PORN? So are half the men in the church, call xxx"

Due to the amount of snow, I had very little chance to explore (next time) but it does seem like a very nice town to visit.

BBQ Time!!

Pulpit Rock

Tropical Storm to Blizzard

2007-01-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

The next day we headed out from tropical Florida to the Denver airport, which had just reopened after the worse blizzard in thirty years.

Cast

2007-01-06T10:07:00.000-08:00

Disney is the biggest single site employer is the USA.

Everyone who works there are called "Cast Members" - even the guys who clean the toilets.

From what they told me the money is crap but the perks are good.

Animal Kingdom

2007-01-03T19:54:00.005-08:00

Xmas day.

A tropical storm bore down upon us.

Should we stay in or go to the last park.

Bugger it lets go.

As we pull into the massive parking lot (complete with its own transport system),

There is a notice on the radio to stay at home in the next county.

It poured down.

We went to the Lion King Show, one of the only ones indoors.

Then to the Expedition Everest roller coaster -maybe one of the best in the parks.

While waiting in line for the Lion King, in the pouring rain, a rousing round of Xmas carols broke out. The show itself was very impressive, there are definitely some very hard working performers.

It is the newest of the parks and the largest, devoted to animal conservation. It would have been nice to have more time to wander around.

Instead we headed back, some what, damp.

Disney - MGM Studios

2007-01-03T19:54:00.003-08:00

Disney has nothing to do with MGM other than renting its name.

Walking through the park, there is an art deco theme that reminds you of an America from the 1920's-50's but without segregation, smoking and heroin syrup available over the counter.

Recommendations:

Star Wars - Star Tours: looking very 1980's but still fun

Tour of Terror: up and down ride, not for the weak hearted*

Extreme Stunt Show: takes you behind the scenes on stunts and car chases

Indiana Jones Stunt Show: good if you get picked as an extra

The Great Movie Ride: composite of classic movies.

*See Incidents at Disney Parks

Epcot

2007-01-03T19:54:00.001-08:00

It stands for
'Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow"

Other interpretations have been:
"Every Person Comes Out Tired"
"Every Pocketbook Comes Out Thinner"
"Evil Polyester Costumes Of Torture"
"Every Paycheck Comes On Thursday"
"Eisner Puts Cash On Table"
"Eisner's Personal Coin-Operated Toy"
"Eisner's Personal Cash On Tap"

Originally this was Walt's vision of a modernist and futurist city for about 20 000 residents that would be a universal prototype for urban planning.

After his death, the management decided that they were not really interested in running cities and turned it into a theme park instead.

Half the designers wanted it to focus on future technologies and the other half wanted it to be a type of "World's Fair". The result is that it is both.

The future technologies section is looking very 1982 (when it was opened) bordering on kitch.

The World Showcase includes: Mexico, Norway, China, Germany, Italy, United States of America, Japan, Morocco, France, the United Kingdom, and Canada.

Personally, I think it should be named the Northern Hemisphere Showcase.

From the World showcase I recommend:

The frozen margaritas in Mexico

The pilsner in Norway

The terracotta warriors at Chinese Pavilion

The Becks in Germany

The O' Canada show

The food in Morocco

The wine in France.

From the techno side I would suggest:

Soarin': flying movie ride with smello-vision

Mission Space: ride simulating a space travel

Nemo and friends: if only for the aquarium at the end with manatees, dolphins and sharks

Honey I shrunk the Audience: best 3D movie I have seen

IllumiNations - Reflections of Earth: the nightly fireworks show.

Magic Kingdom

2007-01-03T19:53:00.002-08:00

This is the place you will see on the post cards.

Cinderella's Castle, Adventure Land, Tomorrow Land, Main Street and so on.

It is more geared to the smaller children and it is quite long day out. Expect allot of walking and standing in queues.

The must see/do list includes:

Space Mountain: roller coaster

It's a Small World: quintessential Disney ride.

Splash Mountain: looking a bit tired but worth a go.

Evening fireworks: must be a couple of millions dollars go up every night.

Evening Parade: in spectra-magic - or lots of little lights. Looking very dates but amazing.

Thunder Mountain: roller coaster.

Pirates of the Caribbean: animatronics at it's best.

For the "Happiest Place on Earth" I saw a fair number of highly distressed children and for that matter parents.

Be warned: it is a dry kingdom.

Disney World

2007-01-03T19:53:00.001-08:00

If I wasn't invited to go, I would never have dreamt of going to Disney World or Disney Land, Euro Disney or the Hong Kong version.

Disney is on my boycott list: it is second largest media owning corporation in the world and has a very poor record when it comes to workers rights both internationally and at home.

I went with an open mind and enjoyed myself despite myself.

What can I tell you about the place.

It is clean, organised, efficient and has an amazing attention to detail. In short, it is how everywhere would (or will) look like when the Project for the New American Century gains world dominance.

It was the second of Walt's theme parks, which was opened five years after his death in 1966.

"In addition to the four main theme parks, the resort contains two water parks, six golf courses, a sports complex, an auto race track, twenty resort hotels and numerous shopping, dining, and entertainment offerings. It even has its own fire department. The 20,000+ acre property is the largest theme park resort in the world, although over the past decade significant amounts of acreage have been sold off for housing and other developments, including land now occupied by the Disney-built (but not Disney-owned) community of Celebration."

From http://www.wikipedia.org/

You would think that a theme park that opened thirty five years ago would start to look a shabby but the upkeep must be constant. Agreed some of the styles are looking pretty dated but they do a good job touching up the paintwork.

Incidentally, if Walt were alive today, he would not be able to freely walk around his own parks. As a chronic chain smoker he would have had to be confined to one of the "designated smoking areas".

As you cross the lake on the steam boat and see the great castle hove into view over the horizon you are stuck by the scale of the place.

As you go through the security bag search, put your magnetic strip ticket through the machine and place your finger on the pint reader you are struck by the scale of the operation.

As you walk through the gates you are struck by the fantasy of the place.

We watched the show at Cinderella's Castle which emphasised that you were in a place where dreams come true.

I dreamt of a world with fair and equitable treatment for all workers around the world - but I am not holding breath for that one.

Walt himself was not a big fan of labour unions. He testified before the House Un-American Activities Committee that four of his former animators were communist agitators.

Here is a letter I sent to the Disney Corporation:

October, 15, 2006.

Dear Sir / Madam,

I have been invited to spend the holidays this year at Disney World in Orlando Florida. I have accepted the invitation and look forward to an enjoyable time at your theme park; as I have enjoyed many Disney productions that have formed some of the most indelible memories of my youth.

At the same time I have some concerns about your international business practices, which would make it difficult for me to enjoy the experience with a clear conscience - it is your international labour practices that concern me the most.

I understand it is essential in this era of “globalization” to produce merchandise in foreign countries that can provide cheaper labour than in your home country in order to remain competitive. It is also positive to share your massive wealth with the poorer countries of the world, thus providing incomes to communities in need.

However, I also understand that some of your sub-contractors can be less than ethical in the ways that they provide low wages and keep production costs down that sustain the profits that you demand ($31.9 Billion last year, I understand).

In response to public pressure, it is gratifying to see that you adopted a “Code of Conduct for Manufacturers” in the mid-nineties and contracted external auditors to ensure that these standards are maintained.

The worrying thing for me, however, is the consistent reports of the continued maltreatment of workers from impoverished countries who (according to the Los Angeles Time of September 24, 2002) get paid $0.05 per garment. A Mickey Mouse Tee I just saw on your Online Shop was on sale for $14.99 reduced from $19.99.

There are other examples:

*A cut and run policy of closing plants instead of encouraging constructive change when faced with allegations of abuse – from the article “Disney is Targeted in Abuse Campaign” cited above.

*Poor and dangerous working conditions – from the article “Already old in Bangladesh: Coalition Bring Attention to Alleged Labour Abuses” in The Washington Post, September 2002.

*A factory fire at Chowdhury Knitwears which killed 51, including 8 children aged 10 to 14 years – from The National Labour Committee website of April 2001.

In light of these issues, I am sure that you can understand my dilemma. Consuming your products would be an implicit endorsement of such practices and I really do not endorse slave labour, which appears to be how you achieve your astronomic profits.

So, in order to fully enjoy my holiday experience, I was wondering if it would be possible for you to give me a written assurance that The Walt Disney Corporation, with all its resources is:

· not knowingly buying goods made under inhumane working conditions,
· ensuring that all workers receive fair and equitable treatment as well as a “living wage” throughout the world,
· and is doing its utmost to comply with its own International Labour Standards.

If you could spare a few minutes to do this for me, it would be greatly appreciated.
I look forward to your positive response with interest.
Yours sincerely,
A

I have yet to receive a response, but I will let you know.

Americans Speak

2007-01-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

"Is anyone traveling with unaccompanied minors?"

Kennedy Space Center

2007-01-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

I have never been a fan of the idea of space exploration, it always looked like a lot of money to spend when the only benefit to my life seems to be Teflon - which I have never liked. However, the KSC was truly impressive.

A lot of the displays focus on the heyday of the Amercian space programme when a huge amount of money was poured into beating the Ruskis in the space race. Now that the new enemy is allot more low tech there's less money for space.

You did get to see some interesting stuff about the International Space Station, including a replica of the zero gravity toilet - better them than me!

Americans Speak

2007-01-01T14:53:00.000-08:00

""I wouldn't go to the middle east... it is like the stone age, worse than third world."

Happy New Year!!

2007-01-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

Wishing ya'll a safe and happy 2007.

Love and Peace

Al

Photo thanks to: http://www.firephotos.com.au/

Plan

2006-12-31T11:10:00.000-08:00

I thought I might let you in on the plan for this journey.
I am a passenger.
Robyn's family invited me to come on their "vacation" so I accepted.
If it was up to me, to travel all this way, I would hang around to check out the dominant empire of the day some more; but it is not so what can you do - enjoy the ride, I suppose.
So we spend one week in Orlando for Disney World over Xmas and then two weeks in Colorado Springs to visit.
Two states is not a great sample of a whole country, especially one as big as this but hopefully I should be able to give you some insights none the less.
We will see.

Half Mast

2006-12-30T15:26:00.000-08:00

All the flags that I see, of which there are many are at half mast.

I can see three reasons for this:

1. James Brown is dead.

"The Hardest Working Man in Show Business" and "The God-father of Soul" died at the age of 72 on Xmas eve. Despite the amount of PCP that went through the man he was killed by a cold.

Or, more likely:

2. Former President Ford is dead.

One of the more forgettable presidents to my mind. I am not sure he should have pardoned Nixon.

Or least likely:

3. Saddam Hussein is dead.

Hanged for crimes against humanity by an occupying power. I am not defending the man, by all accounts he was a right bastard; but I can see no legitimacy in the way he was tried. I would have been better if he had gone to the Hague to be tried under international law.

Photos:
James Brown in Scotland
Ford and Nixon
Donald Rumsfeld and Saddam Hussein
Saddam's last moments
Courtesy of www.bbc.co.uk

Arrival

2006-12-30T14:55:00.000-08:00

4.00 am.

Alarm.

Pick up bags.

Lock the keys in the house.

Final march up Istaklal with all our gear.

Half way up we got a cab to the Havas.

The security was tight but typically disorganised.

Finally we got on a plane.

Seventeen hours from Istanbul to Chicago.

Because of the two hour delay taking off we missed our connection to Orlando.

I was delirious as we were waiting in the queue to get a new flight.

My immediate impression of Americans is that they are very chatty.

I cannot say that I was in the mood.

Three hours later we were on the plane for Florida.

While waiting a woman in a pink jumpsuit sat next to me.

She seemed more interested in talking than I did.

All the time in the background there was a booming voice:

"The Department of Homeland Security has raised the threat level to ORANGE!!"

By this stage I was laughing hysterically.

Luckily we made it our destination without incident.

The next day we recovered for the Disney onslaught ahead.

Americans Speak

2006-12-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

Am: "Your from Australia? That's kinda neat."

Al: "Yeah, kinda."

Greetings from the USA

2006-12-28T14:46:00.000-08:00

Welcome to a new blog and a new country.

I have only been here for a week, but already it has made an impression on me.

Not only is it strange and unusual it is also strangely familiar.

Hopefully I will be able to give you more insights soon.

We only have three weeks here in "The Land of the Free" but in that time I will try and get some understanding of this great big crazy country.

Till then

Peace out